Twilight

So I had to see what all the hype was about. I wasn't a reader of the novels. Hell, until last month I didn't know there were any novels. I thought this would be a good chance for me to watch a movie and critique it on no previous knowledge of the film.



First off, the fans of these novels will say this is a forbidding love story. That it is, but it the basic Romeo and Juliet story. You know the drill. They love each other but there are all these reasons why they shouldn't. As for the story, I thought it was a bit too easy. It is like they fall in love just because they are not alike. They barely talk to each other for the first part of the movie. The girl falls for the guy cause she is more interested in discovering the truth about him, and the guy is alot like a stalker. Well he is a vampire. I just thought the binding everlasting love was most likely not translated as well from the book to movie. Got to make it quicker on the screen for all the dumbies, right?

Ok on to the vampires. Aren't vampires suppose to be scary and awesome?! Well not these vampires. Usually when I get done watching a movie about vampires, there is nothing more I'd rather be than a vampire. I want to fly, stalk, hunt, and talk to people like they are inferior species with my yellow eyes and fangs. It would be so cool. But after this movie there is noway I wanted to be like these vampires. They were wimps. Polite and courteous.....blah. The only cool thing any of them would do was run up trees. WOW, you could totally win the lumberjack games.

Even the "bad" vampires were lame. There was one and he was disposed of quite easily. Where is the epic battle to the death...Highlander style? And really is there anything such as a "good" vampire? Oh I want to bite you but I will resist it and be your friend instead......blah blah blah. Screw that rip her freaking neck out! I got to say the best line of the whole movie was, "you're like my own personal heroin." Great line. I'm going to start saying that to girls I meet. HA!

Ok so I bet the books are great. Since I didn't read them. I can't really say anything about those books. I just didn't get that "this is so cool" feeling that was suppose to be projected from this movie. The supernatural stuff wasn't "super" enough. The movements of the vampires didn't seem so awesome either. I've seen it all before. Being able to see the quick movements the vampires isn't everything, i.e. The Lost Boys. You're going to sit there and tell me with all that CGI technology out there you couldn't make these vamps look cooler? And what is with the Gitter skin?!!!

Twilight gets a l - lame, because I wasn't blown away by it. Half way through it I didn't even think it was entertaining, I just had to pee. It was a same old love story formula with no real defined payout. No tragedy. No plot twist. No happy ending. The whole movie can be summed up like this: girl moves to new town, she meets vampire boy, they "somehow" fall in love, vampire saves girl from other vamps. One last thing. Also you're going to tell me that no one else in this town has any idea that these people are vampires? They all just accept that they are all strange. Bullshit! I guess I should have read the novels instead.