Stranger Tides Indeed

Arrr, me hearty. It be time for reviewing the great, grand movie known as Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides.


















How much do you like popcorn? If you are a fan of fun, enjoyable, popcorn movies then you will like the fourth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. Not much has changed from the formula of the previous three Pirates films. Johnny Depp still plays the best damn pirate hero as Captain Jack Sparrow that you'll ever see in a movie. It has swashbucklin' duels. It has cutthroats and back stabbing. It has mythical sea creatures protecting precious treasures. It is exactly what you'd want it to be, and it is fun to watch.

The story is not as strong as the first POTC movie. You will not be leaving the theater amazed and thinking, "Wow, they actually made a great movie based on an amusement ride." Mainly because you've seen it all before. At this point you are just going to be happy seeing Jack Sparrow back in action.

I have really grown to like Geoffrey Rush as Captain Barbossa. His character has become just as important to the lore of the POTC movies as Captain Jack Sparrow.When he talks you try your hardest to pay attention, but you know a few words into his speeches that you won't understand him. Then you just laugh it off. It also seems he is growing more grotesques as the sea life continues to pound on him.

As for the new characters, they feel like simple replacement stand-ins to the originals.
Penelope Cruz tries to play the toughest pirate women on the seas vacated by Keira Knightley, but I don't find her to be sexy enough. Well as sexy as a PG-13 Disney movie could be, I guess.

The Blackbeard character is not nearly as menacing of a villain as Barbossa or Davy Jones before him. He really doesn't stand alone as a bad guy worth Jack's time.

The other characters aren't even worth the time for dissecting, so we'll move on.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides will give you exactly what you want out of it. You will laugh. You will enjoy the popcorn. If you go to the theater, bring friends so you all can laugh about it together. It gets an E - Entertaining. It is worth seeing in the theater, but you can easily wait for the rental.

Avast, ye landlubbers be looking forward to more Pirate movies in the near future.

Next review: I hope Hangover 2 lives up to the first movie in laughs only

Bridesmaids

What is wrong with the America public?!

Bridesmaids was pegged as the "Female Hangover". The trailers made this movie out to be a raunchy laugh-fest that could only be seen in theaters. I am going to be straight with you. It is NOT!

Instead, you get a poorly outlined "coming to terms with one's sad and pathetic life while watching your best friend's life getting better" type movie. Most of the scenes seem like a bunch of awkward SNL skits that lose context soon because they go on way too long. The type of scenes that would never happen in real life nor would anyone involved in these scenes allow themselves to continue being apart of them.  The worst part is that most of the funny parts you see in the trailers are not even in the movie. Also, the trailer talks about them all going to Las Vegas to cause that glorious "Hangover Havoc" only this time with them all females. Well guess what? It doesn't happen! They don't even go to Las Vegas. It's merely talked about. What wasn't it within the budget? Couldn't the film makers get the permits? No, it was written that way to make the movie more sad and pathetic.

I feel swindled by this movie. It was a pure bait and switch. I was expecting gut-busting laughter, instead I got a drawn out, no substance romantic slash gaining one's self-esteem dramedy. I will now have to double check my pockets because I believe I was just robbed of 125 minutes of life.

Here's the real shitty part. By the surrounding laughter that I could hear from the other audience members, people actually liked it. WTF!! I will admit that there were a few funny moments, mostly involving Melissa McCarthy. Her character was good. She was over the top but also somewhat believable. You get a sense that her character wasn't going to take shit from anyone, and that she was sick of trying to live up to that perfect female image. This could be a real person. Also, as the movie progressed, it seems more scenes were written for her as the center, and less scenes involving all of the characters in a group. Wasn't this movie called Bridesmaids? It should actually be renamed as Single Woman in Impossible Situations Involving a Wedding. Maybe it is too long of a title.

Finally, here's the problem with America. People will go to this movie. People will pretend to like this movie. People will also recommend that their friends see this movie. And people will continue to allow Judd Apatow jam this shit down their throats. Well all this needs to stop right here, right now. Is Kristen Wiig a funny person? Possibly yes. She is alright for the SNL skits, but she can't keep my interest for two hours. Congrats to both Kristen and Judd, you were able to steal my $10.50. I wish you luck with all your future endeavors.

I rank this movie as w - Weak, and I want my money back. I recommend you never see this movie, but if you do, rent it some rainy day in the very distant future. Funny thing,  I was going to go see Priest, but I decided to follow the better rated movie by rotten tomatoes. It only shows you that even the supposed experts don't know shit just like the rest of America.

Thor

For he who is worthy to lift this hammer shall possess the power of Thor.

Unfortunately I was not able to move it a smidge. It would be wise of you to test your might and go see Thor. By the power of Mjolnir, what a way to start the summer blockbuster season.  (Update in the morning for I am tired and I need my Odinsleep)

After a much needed Odinsleep, I am back to give you all a complete review of the Summer's first movie.

Thor is a mythical character based on Old Norse legends that were very popular during the Viking Age. He lives along with all of the other gods of the universe in a Realm called Asgard that is at the top of all other realms known to make up the entire universe. This is known as the Tree of Life, or World Tree, named Yggdrasil. To try to understand Thor's world, Asgard and the 9 Realms (including Earth, known as Midgard) as a avid comic reader is hard enough. You need a lot of imagination. So how does a movie help the non comic reading audience relate to an idea of a mythical world that can be reached only by rainbow bridge. Easy, Science Fiction.

I now have a better understanding of the inter-workings of the world of Thor because this movie has based it in the possibility of science fiction. The writers broke the mythical legends down into concepts that help prove modern day science thinking and made Thor possibly a real person. This is what I thought was going to be the hardest part of telling this story as a movie. I was blown away on how simple it was to accept. As simple as accepting Captain Kirk can be transported from his spaceship to another planet. It is believable because we desire to progress as a civilization and reach for the stars. What is the stars could reach back?

With that said, I think this movie hits on all marks. The cast is exceptional. I thought the character development might have a problem because there were so many to introduce, but I was proven wrong on that point. The main characters were given plenty of time to develop while the supporting characters were brought in as separate story lines that all tie together to the main storyline surrounding Thor. Basically, Thor is not needed in every scene to make the supporting characters work as it should be. I know it sounds logical but you be surprise how many movies can't accomplish this.

Since it is a fantasy movie, the fighting scenes are based on fantasy but are very believable as you watch it. Come on it is fantasy! It is ok that Thor flies with a hammer and beats up giant frost men from another realm. You'll enjoy it, pure and simple.

As for the upcoming Avengers movie, the writers and Marvel have done a great job of  beginning to intertwine all their movies. You will see small surprises that help push the Avengers together. I'm not going to ruin these for you, but you will see them and then understand what I am talking about. If Thor has anything to show for how good Avengers could be, I quote Samuel L. Jackson, "Hold onto your butts".

Thor is fun and entertaining. It doesn't go over your head. At the end you will understand that Thor can and does exist. You will be excited to see the next coming films. I think Marvel has done it again. Ironman has been made a popular icon and the same will happen with Thor. Thor is this year's Ironman. It is a surprise hit that we as comic book fans were all hoping for. It is easy to say the Marvel has their shit together. They are not going to half ass telling their stories. Let's all hope the trend continues onto Captain America later this year. If Thor is a sign of what is to come, I am even more stoked to see this year's summer blockbusters.

As for a rating, Thor teeters on the edge of Awesome and Legendary. Last night right after the movie I would have say yes straight to the top, but today I started thinking how it there is more to be done. I want my mind to so elated after the movie that there is no question. Thor gets an A for Awesome.

Go see this movie right away!!!

Finally....SLMR HAS COME BACK....to....

Ignore 2010. SLMR failed miserably.

Regardless, I'm getting the band back together. This year is going to much different. SLMR will go further that it has ever gone before starting tonight. I am leaving right now to see Fast Five, and when I return the most electrifying movie review will be posted for all the millions and millions to witness. Stay Tuned!!!

Update: 10:30pm Well Thanks to the announcement of the Death of Osama Bin Laden, I missed the movie start time. Mainly because I was too interested in hearing about the details surrounding that happening than to go to see Fast Five. So since it is Sunday night and I am not going to the movie and most likely I won't be able to catch it during the week this review has been put on hold. Maybe I'll catch it next weekend and give another official update. I really only wanted to see The Rock and Vin Diesel fight scene anyways. Maybe I'll sneak in after the next movie viewing.

Until then...Thor is next on the list.